Hi Again
I gave myself a haircut yesterday. Not a major one, just a trimming of dead ends. Also, I live in New York City now. I started a new barista job, which is kind of like starting an old job for the third time. I’m confused about whether you should be friends with your coworkers or not, and this week I spent a lot of money on ubers because I have mostly figured out the trains but I can’t say that I completely have the trains covered.
I keep remarking on how I’ll start going out and doing normal things when I’m “used to it,” and that right now is a period for hibernation. I think that’s true in many ways, and also a great excuse to avoid doing really anything at all.
I think I’m cursed, or I’m very normal, and I say this because I have become exceptionally aware of how much I hate doing hard work and how far ahead I tend to be thinking. In my mind it is summer, I know where my trains go (even on the weekends. Did you know they get waaay different on the weekends?) and I have more than 3 restaurants to suggest for a night out. I know which bars are awful, where to find live music. I’m doing open mics and I’ve finished editing all of this shit I need to edit. I have a reel, my freckles are back, walking to whatever doesn’t feel like being put in a wind tunnel designed to torture midwestern nyc transplants.
Is being 23 just thinking about being 23? reminiscing on 21 and 22? asking yourself if you’re doing it right? figuring out things that seem obvious once they’re already behind you? Making mistakes? showing up imperfectly? Realizing your actions create patterns which create WHO YOU ARE, and that maybe WHO YOU ARE is a person who is 3 minutes late to work and has a difficult time adjusting to the changes you set in motion? Someone who is only eager to accept the blame for something as a second instinct, but first searches for any reason something is someone else’s fault?
I’m very tired this week but sometimes I feel like a new yorker for like, fifteen seconds. My drink right now is an iced London Fog, which I make two of at work everyday. I do not have the digestive system for alcohol anymore, and I am feeling the desire to re-instate my internet presence nip at my fingertips. I think this is a symptom of a greater problem. Deli Sandwich is getting along swimmingly with Frank, Lily’s cat, and I think I have been trendy for too long and I’ve maybe lost some of my personal style.
It’s good to be here. I have way too much fake stuff to do.
Table of Contents
Introductions…
Purge - here I will direct you to any new projects I have created or been a part of.
Consume - here I’ll review, recommend, pontificate on, and direct you to the pieces of media I have recently been into (or totally not into, if I feel like being a hater.)
Question - something to consider.
Trend Forecast - I mean, what does it sound like?
Purge
I’m sort of working on everything and also nothing right now. I was under a spell for a while - a belief that in order to be awesome, and popular, and a really good artist, you have to be really secretive about “drops” and create “hype” and oh my god I cant do this i can tdo this i cantdothis i
am making music right now. Many of my close friends already know this. There was a point where I wanted to keep it truly secret, and to randomly post an announcement that MY SONG IS OUT GUYS and avoid the whole big things coming soon thing. It didn’t work. I’m growing impatient with the idea that knowing something is coming makes it any more or less special when it finally arrives. I think some of you will absolutely hate what I have made, and I think some of you will like it. I think some of you will forget to listen to it ever, and that’s alright too. It was informative and interesting and fulfilling to create a kind of art that I’ve never fully created before. I think I’m going to release some of the songs soon, and a music video that Erik and I filmed, and I also have a bunch of demos and all of this stuff that I don’t know what to do with.
Also, we are in the process of finishing the edits on the two short films Erik and I made this year (BOTH starring my friend Jace. He’s going to surpass all of us.) I’m really excited about both of them for very different reasons, and I wish we were done already.
It’s been a weird stagnant time for finishing. We put a bunch of stuff on the backburner so we could move and get jobs and pay our first bout of rent and survive and not explode. Good move on our part, but now I’m bored and I worked really hard last year and I don’t have that much to show for it.. yet!
you don’t really have to stay tuned. I’m going to be annoying about it all when it’s done. Just don’t disappear before that happens.
Consume
I’m Reading…
The Idiot by Elif Batuman.
I am about 65 pages in and I’m obsessed with it. I think everyone should ramble way more often, but also, I think some people have a special gift for rambling.
I’m Watching…
Poor Things
Made me want to be a more honest person, and to pursue my dreams as brashly as Bella. I often do not understand the world around me and must have the social consequences of many actions explained to me before I can truly perform as a functional person, so it was inspiring to watch a character go through this (even if it was obviously on a much different level than myself.) I was afraid I wasn’t going to like this movie for the first twenty minutes and then by the end I liked it so much I didn’t know what to do about it. Made me realize I require pretty explicit instructions or an example to ever do something the way I’m supposed to.
Succession
I’m about four years behind on good tv, but I finally started this one even though I didn’t think I would like it. Every night before bed I watch an episode. It’s perfect for this, because I have to go to bed earlier now because I work mornings and I need money from working mornings and all of the characters in Succession have never needed money at all in their lives. It’s awesome. I like Greg.
The Iron Claw
I don’t have much to say about this one except that it was a good movie, too sad, and well acted by everyone except the guy who played the father. His performance felt exactly like Tim Robinson in that sketch where the baby thinks he’s a piece of shit.
The Beekeeper
Haley, Erik and I watched this one together in theaters. I have to admit, it was one of the most enjoyable viewing experiences I have had in a long time. Every character was so awful, every piece of dialogue in the same genre as “he’s right behind me isn’t he” and the core issue (old people getting scammed and Jason getting mad about it) was so random.. and so seemingly unrelated to beekeeping… that it kept me engaged the entire time. I was never bored for even a second. It felt like I was watching a parody of a movie for which I hadn’t seen the original. Obsessed, that’s all I can say. I would never watch this again. I am so glad I watched this.
I’m Listening to…
just the song Patriotic by Rubblebucket and I Know It Won’t Work by Gracie Abrams. Literally just those two songs.
Question
What have you given up on this year?
Trend Forecast
The Winter Time will be long. Very long. Even though Phil said it’s not supposed to be long, it will be long. you’ll be much too tired to give any thought to what’s trendy right now anyways.
as always, thank you for reading or not reading. Thank you for existing.
