Hi, everyone.
It’s been a long year already, and I can tell the rest of the year will move with the same rapid and bloated pace. Every day feels like five minutes, but last weekend feels like it was two months ago. I can’t express all of it, and it wouldn’t even be interesting to try, so I’ll start with the highlights.
I’ve taken on another limb - the branches of my fig tree are getting fatter - I decided to start making music less in a forever-voice-memo way and in more of a how-many-streams-do-i-have-now way. It has been an intense and difficult process.
I have always struggled with my identity as a person, an artist, a whatever else, because I think constricting myself to one path sounds really truly awful. Music has been a path of particular struggle. There’s so much music everywhere, so many people to compare myself to, so many images I could chose to put on. I’ve had to discuss my “sound” and my “message,” which has made me deeply introspective (too introspective!) I imagine that, over time, my sound and my message change despite what I do, but I also imagine that a well thought out plan would really tie the whole thing together.
At the end of the day, it’s all stupid and I’m thinking about myself too much.
I’m trying to transition over to writing pop music after years of phoebe-bridgers style depression core, which has thus far resulted in a few of the worst songs ever created, but sometimes starts to show a little promise.
I’ve been in New York now for a few months and I’m still spiraling up then down then up again. Regardless of the direction, it’s still a spiral. It’s starting to get warmer, and I think this is going to cure everything.
I can feel that I’m working hard. I can feel that it’s going to get even more embarrassing really soon. There’s something so awful about trying to shield people’s eyes from the light of the already-famous so that they might look at you in the shade. I know if nothing works out in any capacity, I’ll still find a way to rationalize all the time spent, but for now I’m holding out hope that something means anything, and that I was not just put on this earth to go viral for making fun of Jojo Siwa on tik tok.
I’m trying to forget about when I used to be special in my hometown, while still maintaining the wild hope it gave me. I miss the midwest, having potential instead of having to actually do anything at all. I miss the grass that looks so so so green from the Central Avenue M Train station at 6 am on my way to the third barista job I’ve had in my short long life.
Table of Contents
Introductions…
Purge - here I will direct you to any new projects I have created or been a part of.
Consume - here I’ll review, recommend, pontificate on, and direct you to the pieces of media I have recently been into (or totally not into, if I feel like being a hater.)
Question - something to consider.
Trend Forecast - I mean, what does it sound like?
Purge
This is Not My Fault
I made a short film last year that took forever to edit and came out this year. It’s about a driving lesson, a robbery, an unbreakable bond between friends that was sort of really just based on the real friendship Jace and I have. Jace, if you’re seeing this, move to New York City right now please oh please pleeeease bestie. Thanks to Erik, Jace, Gavin, Lauren, The good people of the local Village Pantry and the lady at potbelly who forgot to ring up a sandwich the day I bought everyone lunch and saved me 16 dollars.
Watch it here:
Fog Delay
I made an EP with a few of my favorite songs I’ve written over the last few years. It stars Fog Delay, a song about being jealous all the time, Behind You, a song about walking in circles around the Silverlake Reservoir, Waiting, a song about waiting, and The Difference, a song about being able to read. Thanks to Jay, My Dad, and anyone who has listened already <3
Waiting, The Music Video
In the same vein, Erik and I made a music video for one of the songs. I don’t really remember why we chose that song, but Waiting is the first of my songs to get a whole thing dedicated to it.
Watch it Here:
Consume
I honestly haven’t read or watched anything important in like, a month. I’ve been listening to Chappell Roan like my life depends on it. Rubblebucket, Better Oblivion Community Center, Boygenius, Remi Wolf. Here’s my current playlist:
Question
Do you still like your job?
Trend Forecast
red is still in. primary colors are going to make a comeback, individuality at an all time high after the pandemic. The 80s are going to be really important, high waisted jeans may even be considered high fashion agai
n. It’s going to be a hot summer, and you’re going to spend a lot of time thinking about your future and your career. You’re going to get into astrology for a second and you’re going to hear something you don’t want to hear. Chappell Roan is just the beginning of the rise of the midwest princess - romanticization of the all-american midwestern experience will skyrocket and patriotism might even be…. trendy? This summer is going to feel a lot like 2016, we’re going to hear a lot more about the world ending and events related to the world’s end, pop music is going to get really cool because everyone is scared. You’re going to think about quitting your job a lot, but you’re still going to show up to your shifts on time. You’re going to make some friends at work, and you’re going to feel like you belong somewhere. You’re going to watch videos of yourself from middle school, and instead of cringing, for the first time you’re going to feel free. You’re going to remember who you are. It’s going to be okay.